Drumroll…Neurotherapy Day One!

Ok. let’s start with the weird stuff first.

I have often bored my close friends with a strange Tim fact…I never, ever get hungry. Well, not perfectly accurate. I get hungry every 5 – 10 years when, until I remember what it is, I get all freaked out and think I’m dying. Possibly of stomach cancer or alien worms. I’m not complaining mind. This trait has served me well in the past. In an emergency, I can go literally days before I go all faint and have to put some calories in me. I usually know how much my body needed them by how fast I eat them at that point. Yes I know this is stupid but that’s how I’ve always been.

Unfortunately, it turns out that neurotherapy, as an adjunct to some other stuff (stay tuned) will actually change this. I will now be hungry just like normal people. Which sucks. I liked being all special and strange, even though it meant a raised possibility of hypoglycemic shock. I suppose it’s a small consolation that it will leave in place a bunch of other things that people were asking about (you know who you are). We never really know when we start out what the road will look like, do we?

The awful, terrible, crushing thing? I WASN’T different! When we made up the list of things that weren’t working, my clinician, Sue, was merrily checking things off on a list. I had a look and there it was! – “Lack of Appetite Awareness”. How humility inducing. Stop laughing, you.

The early part of today was very unexpected. It was less focussedly about brainwaves and more about self-reported behaviours (at least at first) than I said here, um, yesterday. Sorry about that. Turns out there’s an interesting discussion around different neurotherapy styles and schools of thought, which I will go into another time.

At any rate, through either my own burbling and gentle questioning by Sue, we came up with a pretty extensive laundry list of (as Winnie the Pooh would say) Things That Aren’t Quite Right With Tim. Caveat – None of these things, with the possible exception of depression, are the kinds of things that I would talk to a doctor about, but cumulatively they’re a problem for me. I just didn’t know that you could deal with them cumulatively or at all. And no, this doesn’t make me wierd, or broken, or at least not more broken than anyone else. It’s ok – you can still talk to me on the street, and you probably don’t even need to use that loud voice we reserve for the deaf and non-english speakers.

This isn’t the full list, but rather a list of ones we agreed would be indicative and easy to track, along with a score (subjective 1-10) of how the things on these scales were/felt in the past week.

chartday1 So, we started work on what’s called brain instabilities. (No, that’s not the same thing as being unstable, thank you for asking). These include things like headaches, seisures, oversensitivity, and other “brain can’t really control itself” things.

This was, frankly, strange. I had an impression that Neurotherapy was a slow, you’ll feel it over time process. It was anything but, at least in this area.

During the evaluation and two treatment sessions I did today, there were often times when Sue would change a setting on the machine, looking for the most effective combination of “reward fequencies” (the brainwave pattern that you respond best to in training) and symmetry (the way your two halves of your brain work together). Within a minute, or less, of a setting being changed, I would notice with a sensation change, which ranged from tingling on my skull (possibly increased bloodflow) to a small headache (that I hadn’t had before) that we chased across my head like a recalcitrant child at bedtime.

The last word on the first day? I feel good. Energetic, relaxed, able to concentrate (shocking in itself). Some of it is no doubt the excitement of a new game /placebo effect. We’ll see over time.

Advertisements

Challenges – Motivation

While I’m looking at the walls, waiting for Neurotherapy to roll around, I’ll talk a bit about some of the things that bother me about me, and that I’ll be trying to deal with.

Motivation – this one is a real bitch for me. I’m great on deadline, or in an emergency, or when someone else needs something. I can coordinate the communications for thousands of people, as long as there is some sort of major disaster looming (forest fires are the best – emergency, helping others, and, quite literally, deadlines) (floods good too).

But unless I can convince myself it’s one of those things (and I usually know when I’m lying), NOTHING happens. ON the plus side, I have perfected the thousand yard, thinking about the universe stare. And I now have a lot of deep thoughts that make people think I’m more focused and concentrated than I really am.

I would love, LOVE, to wake up in the morning and be driven from my bed by a hunger to do something just for me. I have never been that person really. Partially, I think, because I don’t really dream about the future. I don’t plan and am very much in the moment. The more I look at this by writing this blog, the more I’m seeing interconnections. Interesting.

Feeling – past few days

Procrastination – 8 – Brutal

Depression – 3 – great chats with friends.

ADHD – 5, and at times 8. Was nicely focused down in work and then got thrown off by some strong emotional junk. This too shall pass.

Dogsitter extraordinaire

So, I’m dog-sitting my sister’s older lab this weekend. This is a required duty for less-successful brothers who may not be able to jet off on ski vacations every other weekend. (I’m not as bitter as I sound. My sister is lovely).

What I notice is: I actually resent having to walk a dog. This is how far I’ll go to avoid being locked into a work schedule, working up actual anger at something as mundane as a dog walk. It’s not a challenge, therefore I hate it. Yet if it is a challenge, I fear it…for lords sake there has to be a middle ground.

On the plus side, blogging is providing huge new vistas in the area of procrastination, while allowing me to pretend I am getting on with a useful Neurotherapy-related project. Bonus.

On the whole…(lower numbers are better)

Procrastination – 7

Attention Deficits – 7 (Facebook doesn’t count)

Depression – 5 (money is stressing me out no end at the moment, but generally an upbeat sort of day)

Forward planning – 7 (didn’t manage to set up playdates w/ neighbours even though they happened anyway)

BTW

Did I mention this whole thing makes me so scared I want to barf?